Here’s Some Great Jokes!
Happy Holidays!!

Top 10 Funny Thanksgiving Jokes Thumb
TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #1
Just before Thanksgiving, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is weather report that you should email,tweet, or skype to your Mom.

This Thursday Turkeys will thaw in the morning then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid and if you bother the cook be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #2
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #3
Two Cannibals are having Thanksgiving Dinner…
One turns to the other and says: “You know I just can’t stand my mother-in-law.”
The other replies: “Then try the mash potatoes.”

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #4
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks!

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #5
It was just after Black Friday following Thanksgiving in a local county courthouse where a judge was questioning a stupid looking prisoner.

He asked the prisoner who was in the dock ‘What are you charged with?’
The prisoner wise cracked ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early’.
‘That’s no crime’ said the judge. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’
‘Before the shop opened’ answered the prisoner with a silly grin.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #6
You know you’re American when you line up at 3am on Black Friday so that you can save $5 at Walmart!

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #7
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #8
Why do turkeys always go “gobble gobble”?
Because they never learned good table manners

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #9
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #10
‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving But I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned — The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen Flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes
Pickles and carrots beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round
Till all of a sudden I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky.
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

 

Source: http://jokefarm.blogspot.com
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Horror Stories
Of Unheard Voices

0 intro 18q996f40afkxjpgPhoto Soure:  David Scaglione.
Trenton State Clinic

We find that frightening photos of abandoned mental asylums that have fallen into dilapidation, however, there are true stories of horror and terror behind these metal institutions that are much more frightening than these pictures reveal. Here are a couple of abandoned mental hospitals that have stories more chilling than these photos.
It can be difficult to distinguish facts from fiction in the matter of mental asylum stories. Such a variety of them fall into the category of urban legend or legend for apparition seekers. These are mental hospitals in which the horrifying events took place (or at any rate claims to) are clearly recorded in articles, books, and generally referred to as factual history. Large portions of the tormented patients that happened to end up in one of these healing centers were a result of megalomaniacal doctors, inadequately tried medicines, and a mental care system that was overpopulated with patients and not enough care givers.

It is paramount to remember the therapeutic advances, as well as tragic treatments, to recall that there are a lot of individuals today who don’t get the mental help that they require. As many of today’s mental health facilities have so many flaws. They can still do more harm than good. We may have moved past the ice pick lobotomy as the cure, but the system still needs much improvement.

1. Metropolitan State Hospital
1 1 Metropolitan State Hospital 18q96zzmw59aojpgPhoto Source: liza31337

There are a lot of exasperating stories encompassing Metropolitan State Hospital, which opened in Waltham, Massachusetts, in 1930. Part of the grounds of the asylum included the Gaebler Kids’ Center, which a number of its previous occupants have portrayed as being like a jail, with the youngsters strictly disciplined and regularly drugged to sedate them. Dinah Williams’ book “Abandoned Insane Asylums” references a story of a coincidental poisoning of child psychiatric patients even as late as the 1960’s, yet that is not a story I have not been able to confirm as of now.

YOU REALLY SHOULD WATCH THIS VIDEO. IT IS TOTALLY AMAZING!

Source: YouTube

The grim story for which Metropolitan is best known, in any case, earned it the handle “The Hospital of Seven Teeth.” In 1978, a patient named Anna Marie Davee went for a stroll around the grounds and never returned or was seen again. It wasn’t until 1980 that her executioner, a another patient that was in there with her at the same time, named Melvin Wilson, brought police to the three different graves where he had buried chopped up parts of her sliced-up body. As though dismembering her wasn’t sufficient enough, Wilson kept seven of Davee’s teeth as a trophy for himself.

1 3 Metropolitan State Hospital18q97h76pby80jpgPhoto Source: liza31337

Metropolitan State was shut down in 1992, as psychiatric health care got to be progressively privatized. By 2009, the greater part of the structures on the grounds had been demolished, condominiums now stand in its place. Just the doctor’s facility’s administration building is all that remains.

1 4 Metropolitan State Hospital 18q97ophu9nhgjpgPhoto Source: liza31337

1 5 Metropolitan State Hospital 18q97u4tsxqyzjpgPhoto Source: liza31337

1 6 Metropolitan State HospitalPhoto Source: liza31337
1 7 Metropolitan State HospitalPhoto Source: liza31337

18q987y1lrzs2jpgPhoto Source: liza31337

2. Danvers State Hospital

2 Danvers State Hospital 18q98lz5mtv65jpgPhoto Source: Maria Salvaggio

Here is another Massachusetts mental hospital, the State Lunatic Hospital at Danvers is really, truly world famous for it’s horror. It is said to have been an enthusiasm for H.P. Lovecraft’s Arkham Sanatorium (Danvers is likewise specified in Lovecraft’s stories “Pickman’s Model” and “The Shadow Over Innsmouth”) and it was the setting for the filming of “Session 9”. The exterior of the building is in itself quite horrific.

So what is it that made Danvers State so famous? Really, when the asylum was developed in 1887, it was outlined (by Nathaniel J Bradlee) as indicated by the hypotheses of mental well-being promoter Thomas Story Kirkbride, who put stock in the empathy consideration and treatment of the mentally ill. That implied luxurious interors, private rooms, and long, drifting halls that would let the daylight in. Anyhow, while Danvers was intended to be a relaxing and serene place whose insides advanced the psychological health and overall well-being of its patients, its Gothic outline has caught the creative imagination of many people.

Source: YouTube

 … And in the end, it Burnt Down To The Ground…

Source: YouTube

Tragically, as the decades wore on, Kirkbride’s calming impact left nothing more than the main structure’s floor plan. The building was initially intended to house 600 patients, yet in 1939, it had a total population of 2,360, and the staff, whose size had remained moderately steady, was at a terrible misfortune for how to control the patients, who were debilitated and messy from their lack of sufficient care. Some of the time, the patients vanished out of the staff workers’ sight, and weren’t found until many days, sometimes weeks later, left lost and rotting away in some overlooked room. In the long run, the greater part of the nightmarish habitat of the ment hospital were presented: isolation, straitjackets, electroshock treatment (which gets unfavorable criticism, yet was likely abused as an issue to control patients instead of as an issue of treatment), and, of course the simple basic lobotomy.

After psychiatrist Walter Freeman performed the United States’ first transorbital lobotomy in 1936, it became common practice amongst psychiatric healing centers who took to the methodology like an icepick to an eye socket, utilizing it to treat everything from staring off into space daydreaming, and back pains to hallucinations and depression. Danvers is frequently given the questionable title of the “”birthplace of the prefrontal lobotomy” for its utilization and refinement of the strategy. While a few patients absolutely saw staggering advantages from this purported marvel treatment, numerous others had horrific impacts. Guests to the mental asylum in the late 1940’s portrayed the patients as carelessly meandering the lobbies, or blankly gazing at walls and floors, maybe an aftereffect of both their poor treatment by the staff and their different extreme medical interventions.

Segments of the asylum were shut down the beginning of 1969, with the greater part of it shut by 1985, and the whole entire mental hospital closed down in 1992. For a considerable length of time, the building sat unfilled, yet inevitably the property was purchased up by Avalon Bay Development, which tore down a majority of the structures, including the inner part of the memorable Kirkbride building. The Kirkbride building’s exterior was utilized as a major aspect of the new Avalon Danvers apartments. A portion of the grounds’ tunnels, the cemetery, and facades of several structures still remain, yet the “modern ruins” form of Danvers State now exists just in photos and features.

By the way, the city of Danvers once had a different name: Salem Town.

3. Trenton State Hospital

3 Trenton State HospitalPhoto Source David Scaglione

The New Jersey State Lunatic Asylum (later Trenton State and now Trenton Psychiatric Hospital) was the initially established on the Kirkbride plan, by extremist Dorothea Dix. Be that as it may like Danvers State, it was better associated with its therapeutic abuses than for its well intended beginnings. Dr. Henry Cotton became the director of the mental hospital in 1907 and inevitably initiated medicines focused around his own particular speculations of how to heal mental illness. From one viewpoint, Cotton, who had studied at Johns Hopkins under the prominent Swiss psychiatric specialist Adolf Meyer, had an exceptionally dynamic demeanor to nurture his patients. He did away with the mechanical restraints that such a large number of different asylums used to control patients, presented word related treatment, expanded the staff and guaranteed that the medical caretakers would prevent any violence against the patients, and organized daily staff meetings to discuss how to achieve the best patient care.

Anyway, Cotton created a perilous hypothesis about emotional instability, one that transformed his doctor’s facility into a house of horrors. After it was affirmed in 1913 that the spirochaete that causes syphilis can result in the disease’s psychiatric side effects, Cotton started to suspect that all dysfunctional behavior was brought about by bodily infections, and that the best way to cure the patient was to evacuate the culpable disease. In 1917, he started uprooting his patients’ teeth, even in situations where X-Beams demonstrated no confirmation of disease. He soon proceeded onward to other body parts:  stomachs, gall bladder, ovaries, testicles, colon tracts, uteruses. Cotton guaranteed a cure rate of 85%, yet actually, his surgeries had an unconscionably high death rate. Also he didn’t generally acquire assent from patients or relatives and, indeed, at times performed these evacuations despite the patients pleading protests.

3a Trenton State HospitalPhoto Source: David Scaglione

What’s maybe even more disturbing than Cotton’s genuine practice of these extractions is that he didn’t perform them secretively. He distributed papers and gave presentations on his work. At the point when Meyer sent another therapist to give an account of the operations at Trenton State, he at first suppressed her report, permitting Cotton to proceed with his grisly work. It wasn’t simply a horribly arrogant psychiatrist who was flawed, additionally a mental hospital that had permitted him to proceed with his butchering. Cotton stayed at Trenton until 1930, three years before his demise. The tooth-pulling practice stayed set up until 1960.

3b Trenton State HospitalPhoto Source: David Scaglione

Trenton Psychiatric Hospital is still operational, and the core of the Kirkbride building is still being used. Yet parts of the facilities have been relinquished and have fallen into dilapidation.

3c Trenton State HospitalPhoto Source: David Scaglione

3d Trenton State HospitalPhoto Source: David Scaglione
3e Trenton State HospitalPhoto Source: David Scaglione
4. Topeka State Hospital

 

Source: YouTube

There is one story from Topeka State Hospital that is certain to make your skin creep: As indicated by the Topeka Capital-Journal, a news person went to the mental hospital sometime amid the early 20th century and saw a patient who had been strapped down for so long that his skin had started to grow over his restraints. Different patients were tied up naked for a many months at a time. For some occupants back then, on the other hand, life offered an alternate comparative kind of hell, regardless of the fact that they were not restrained: bored forever with no end in sight. Patients were offered absolutely nothing to do, nothing to invigorate their psyches, along these lines they sat in armchairs in the corridor throughout the day, rocking back and forth and gazing and doing nothing else.

Luckily, in 1948, Kansas Governor Honest Carlson, reacting to the reports of congestion and despicable conditions, assembled a board to study the issue. The state legislature wound up multiplying the allotments for mental hospitals and the rocking chairs were expelled from the lobby.

Specialists, psychologists and  Psychiatrists had started volunteering at the asylum, seeing patients and formed a department of psychology at the asylum. In 1949, the asylum employed its first social worker, who arranged patients for their possible discharge. Despite the fact that the clinic did falter in later years because of funding cutbacks, by the late 1960’s, Topeka State was seen as a state of the art leading psychiatric hospital.

Notwithstanding, the mental hospital lost its Medicare and Medicaid accreditation in 1988, and like such a variety of hospitals, lost patients to community-based programs amid the 1990’s. In 1997, the healing center shut down for good.

5. Fernald State School
5 Fernald State SchoolPhoto from Wikimedia Commons.

 While a large portion of the mental hospitals on this rundown were built with the same good intentions of Kirkbride’s plan, Fernald State School dates back a bit further, to 1848, when it opened in Waltham, Massachusetts, as the Massachusetts School for Idiotic Children. The school’s first director, Walter E. Fernald, was an intense advocate of selective breeding (eugenics) before that term even existed.

The school was initially proposed as a mental health hospital for boys with low IQ’s (and whatever other kid got dumped out on the school’s doorstep) so they could lead beneficial, productive lives. However, it successfully served as a jail for youngsters whose only “crime” was being thrown to the wayside in this mental asylum.

Furthermore, the young men were dealt with like hoodlums; even their possible discharge date was alluded to as their “parole.” They were physically and sexually abused in particularly cruel ways. In his book “The State Boys Rebellion”, Michael D’antonio depicts occasions like “Red Cherry” day, in which one kid’s name was picked at arbitrary and his jeans were pulled down and he was beaten until his bum was red as an apple.

They got substandard schooling, taking classes from once in a while unlicensed instructors and getting much less class time than what other children receive in school. There was no security, and the young men were forced to sleep 36 kids to a room. The young men were not, on the other hand, subject to disinfection, an employee from Fernald himself, who accepted the notion that cleansing oneself would prompt promiscuity.

Maybe most bizarre is the notorious Quaker Oats radiation experiment. Amid the 1950’s, MIT specialists mulled over the way the body retains calcium and iron by feeding a portion of the Fernald occupants porridge laced with radioactive tracers. The young men who partook in the study were told they were joining the “science club,” yet they, and by and large their families, were uninformed of the true intent of this technique. In spite of the fact that it wasn’t demonstrated whether the measurements of radiation the young men devoured were at all hurtful, in 1998, MIT and the Quaker Oats Company consented to pay $1.85 million to the individuals who participated in the “science club”.

As of now, Fernald remains somewhat open, yet as an issue for rationally incapacitated grown-ups. As of December 2012, there were 13 inhabitants on the yard. Large portions of the structures are no more being used.

6. Whittingham Hospital

6 Whittingham HospitalPhoto Source: underclassrising.net

London’s Whittingham Hospital was at one time the biggest mental foundation in Great Britain, and it was a pioneer in the utilization of electroencephalograms. In any case the mental asylum’s legacy was forever spoiled in 1965, when an arrangement of strange charges against the staff of the St. Luke’s division started to rise. Through the following few years, these affirmations started to spill out into the news media and the papers couldn’t wait to proclaim accusations on cases that patients were fed food blended together nourishment called “slops,” that some were given just bread and jelly to consume, that they were secured out the yard amid severe weather, that they were put to bed on cots wearing just vests, that a few patients were locked out of the washrooms.

One patient charged that staff employees would frequently apply a “wet towel treatment” to patients, actually twisting a wet towel around a young boys neck until the patient fainted. Others asserted that patients were beaten and then locked up in a storeroom. One boy reports that two medical caretakers had poured a flammable liquid onto the shoes of one boy and the robe of a different boy setting both blazing on fire.

The affirmations were routinely denied by the staff, however, both the head nurse and the matron resigned as a direct result of the embarrassment. Furthermore the authority investigation into the matter came after a medical attendant was indicted for homicide after one of the elderly patients he had attacked passed away. This mental hospital shut its doors in 1995, and the majority of the structures on the premises are still now standing intact.

6c Whittingham HospitalPhoto Source: underclassrising.net

 
6b Whittingham HospitalPhoto Source: underclassrising.net
 
6a Whittingham HospitalPhoto Source: underclassrising.net
7. Elgin State Mental Hospital
elginstatehospitalPhoto Source: Digitalpast.org

While horridly imaginative, the human medicinal examinations at Elgin State Hospital (a.k.a. Hospital for the Insane or the Elgin Mental Health Center today) spread over excessively short a period to gather any serious long haul results. All the more imperatively, radium’s impact on mental illness, was not by any means measured. The radioactive schizophrenics subjected to dangerous infusions without their knowledge were just plain forgotten about when testing wrapped in 1933.

Didn’t anybody scratch their heads and ask, “What happened to each one of those individuals?” It wasn’t until the late ’40s that Argonne Lab’s Dr. Robert Rowland chose to figure it out. He structured a team whose sole mission was getting to the base of what precisely had happened behind Elgin’s stony halls.

Their plan was to place all unique documentation, followed by finding previous human test subjects. The previous were found very easily, however, they discovered that all the names were written in code to protect their identity. Every participant was encoded with a solitary letter (consolidating Greek images when he utilized up the Abc’s). A key revealing patients true identities were never found.

It took quite some time and a large measure of archival sleuthing, yet Dr. Rowland’s group, in the end, cracked the code. The notes uncovered that Dr. John was more a front man for this identity scam. A man by the name of  Dr. Schlundt was the heart of the sick operation. A science professor as his career, his objective was not to cure the mentally ill, but instead to research the human body’s radiation maintenance capacity, an idea he alluded to as, “body content”. So now that we know this, Schlundt shot Elgin’s confused and ill patients up with radium on a week after week premise for 10- 45 weeks. Putting this in perspective, they were given the same material used to light up watches until the entire radioactivity thing got to be prominently understood. This substance is presently viewed as a critically harmful contaminant in drinking water.

After discovering that Argonne was continuing experiments, Elgin survivors started speaking out. They point out in great detail to Dr. Rowland how Dr. Schlundt measured their radium body content by setting a Geiger counter close to their lower backs (a method here and there alluded to as the “Robley Evans”). Their mental state, either before or after, was never recorded. The experiment had nothing to do with their mental well-being at all. They were just test subjects and they were unaware of this.

Schlundt and his partners notified the media of their discoveries in 1933. None of their 4 scholastic papers referenced the patients well-being. They did refer that the test group consisted of 31 people. They lied. It actually was more people than that.

Dr. Rowland’s fastidious survey uncovered that no less than 41 schizophrenics at Elgin State had partaken. Schlundt’s gang had committed an intelligently planned out (and lawfully!) viscous attack – they had fudged specimen numbers to improve their results.

The treacheries endured by patients at Elgin State Hospital, and additionally many similar mental hospitals the nation over, were not futile. Frequently mortal, and seldom willful, the victims that sacrificed their souls and life, brought about various medicinal and pharmaceutical achievements. But as we all know, this was not the way to go about it. So sad.

No less than five of the patients included were hit with cancer as an a direct aftereffect of the noxious infusions. Their individual experiences and post-test assessments have not been made available to general public.

elgin

Photo Credit: DN-0001718, Chicago Daily News negatives collection, Chicago History Museum
Image of a patient laying on a table or bed receiving a radium treatment administered by three health care workers in Chicago, Illinois.

The Elgin State Mental Hospital is a very dark, scary, and torturous institution that has housed and “treated” the criminally crazy in excess of 150 years.  This is 50 miles northwest of Chicago, I was amazed at how old it is. I speculate that they built this massive insane asylum that gathered people from Chicago and sent them way out here in the middle of nowhere seeing as it was built in the 1860’s!

For the vast majority of the time, the treatment for craziness was of a severe, if not abusive, nature. Under such circumstances, it is easy to  understand that the Elgin State Mental Hospital is one of Illinois most spooky haunted places as well.

This place is just 30 minutes from my house. In fact a friend of mine from high school was in there back in the 70s for drug rehabilitation.

Throughout the previous 20 years or so, the Elgin State Mental Hospital has experienced its own particular restoration and now handles all patients in a present day, benevolent way. The cold freezing therapy, electroshock treatment and different unbearable treatment systems are no longer being used. At the same time, that surely doesn’t substantiate over a century of torment and anguish that the patients of the Elgin State Mental Hospital endured.

The organization was opened in 1869 when it got to be obvious that the condition of Illinois was in frantic need of more than one shelter for the criminally crazy. It was initially opened as the “Northern Illinois Hospital and Asylum for the Insane”. The very first patient strolled through the entryways on April 3, 1872. The primary criminal patient to be carried out under the judgment of ““not guilty by reason of insanity” arrived at the institution in 1873.

The growing patient population got to the point that the organization got to be way too many patients for the staff to handle. An annex building was built in 1891 with an extra 300 patient beds. In 1894, physically sick patients were not allowed. The Elgin State Mental Hospital said there were an extreme excess of patients, and these new patients were too ill to be admitted to the asylum. The state differed and said that, by law, the state establishment must take them, they can not be turned away, it was illegal.

Things rapidly deteriorated, and patients were dieing at an incredibly high rate. Records for some reason ended up “missing”. Indeed, there are many people and families , right up through the present time, looking for death records of their relatives who they know passed on while being confined to the Elgin State Mental Hospital, but mysteriously, there essentially are no records to be found.

It is broadly accepted that the Elgin State Mental Hospital Cemetery, which is directly behind the modern sports building, was extremely over used. The demise rate was high to the point that up to 5 bodies were buried in one grave, with only the upper-most body’s name being cut into the tombstone.

New increments and wings were added to the refuge throughout the years to keep up with the constant rise of new patients. It wasn’t until 1910 that it was renamed the “Elgin State Mental Hospital”. By now, it was at that point reputed to be haunted by staff, patients and relatives of both.

In 1929, Elgin State Mental Hospital turned into the Illinois State Psychopathic Institute. This new segment taught nursing abilities for criminally crazy patients, hydro-treatment and different sorts of recovery. Patients were utilized as test subjects to test new medications and different methods for treatment. The stories of terrifying abuse of the patients are just stunning. There’s no telling just what the number of patients truly kicked the bucket on the grounds of Elgin State Mental Hospital, however the stories of paranormal movement have some genuine validity because of the appallingly negative energy on the asylum’s grounds.

The majority of the old structures on the north side, everything except the Administration Office, were torn down because the building had asbestos. This is the place the dominant part of paranormal activity occurred. The southern structures remain and are profoundly dynamic and active with both criminally insane patients and ghost activity.

The claims of hauntings and ghosts are heard from very many people. Whispers, voices, and shouts of terror could be heard through night. Lights go on and off by themselves. Knocking on doors when nobody was there. One previous patient who stayed there 9 months of his adolescent life inside walls says that he was been startled and awoken in the night, being assaulted in his cot by an unseen apparition cutting at his face. The door to his room was bolted and nobody was in the room throughout the entire night.

The greatest complaint people have is a feeling that they are being watched. Most employees will let you know straight up that this hospital is freakishly haunted and truly a startling spot to be around when it’s dark out. You generally feel like you’re consistently  being viewed whether there are any eyes close to watch you or not. Ambulance drivers and paramedics who have never been on the premises come to drop off another patient to them and get this feeling that they never want to every come back there.

Paranormal interest seekers be cautioned; the region is protected and watched by security. Permission is just permitted to those with approval. Anybody found trespassing on the grounds – this includes the old Elgin State Mental Hospital Cemetery by the way – will be criminally convicted and fined $5,000.

What Kind of Meds are these Doctors On??? LOL

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Source: Tickld

 

 

 

I’ll Bet The Judges Have Heard It All! Ha!

Shit People Say In Courtrooms PinterestSource: Everythingfunny.org

21 Creative Ways To Drive Someone Crazy…
The BEST of the BEST! LOL

ways to drive people crazy Pinterest
 
 
 
Source: http://www.pinterest.com

Break out your accordion,
crank it up to eleven,
insert insanity,
and get prepared to
laugh so hard you’ll
pee your pants!

Here we share our
adored ruler of parody
11 crazy facts about
“Weird Al” Yankovic
that will surly surprise you!

slide_376746_4425908_freePhoto Credit: http://www.gettyimages.com

Wierd Al Yankovic started playing the accordion at age 7.

 

slide_376746_4425930_freePhoto Credit: http://www.gettyimages.com

He is incredibly smart! Weird Al was the valedictorian of his high school.

 

slide_376746_4425966_freePhoto Credit: http://www.gettyimages.com

He acquired the nickname “Weird Al” while he was attending school for architecture at Cal Poly. While he was enrolled at California Polytechnic State University in  San Luis Obispo, Weird Al was a host for a radio show under the At California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo, Yankovic hosted a radio show under the stage name “Weird Al”.

 
slide_376746_4426060_freePhoto Credit: http://www.gettyimages.com

His first single, “My Bologna,  was also born during his college days.
Weird Al recorded his first parody (The Knack’s song “My Sharona”) in a college washroom.

 

slide_376746_4426532_freePhoto Credit: http://www.ap.org

“Ricky,: an spoof of “I Love Lucy” and of Toni Basil’s hit “Mickey,” was his first song to make it to the Top 100 hits.

 

slide_376746_4426698_freePhoto Credit: http://www.ap.org

His most recent release called “Mandatory Fun,” is the first comedy album to actually debut at number 1 on the list in over half a century

 
slide_376746_4427226_freePhoto Credit: Amazon

Coolio is the only artist who would not legally allow Weird Al to parody his song.
A mistake in commuication with Yankovic, Coolio, and Coolio’s record label eventually ended up with Weird Al realeasing “Gangsta’s Paradise” parody against Coolio’s demands. Yankovic quickly sent an official personal apology and now only accepts permission directly from the preforming artist.

slide_376746_4427254_freePhoto Credit: Vinyl Tap
“Like a Surgeon” is the one and only parody idea that Weird Al did not create all by himself.
 
 
slide_376746_4432334_freePhoto Credit: http://www.gettyimages.com

He was refused a job working at McDonald’s. The Golden Arches company declined his post-college application due to the fact that he was overqualified.

 

slide_376746_4432406_freePhoto Credit: Vinyl45s

The number 27 subtly is heard in many of Weird Al’s songs. He first started using the number simply because it was a “pretty funny number.” When fans finally realized the references, he purposely started integrating the number 27 into his material more often. For instance, in the Michael Jackson parody, “Fat,” he says he ate every Twinkie on 27th Avenue.

 
 
slide_376746_4432656_freePhoto Credit: http://www.wireimage.com/

Weird Al has won a total of 3 Emmy Awards. He got one for Best Comedy Recording for “Eat It” (1984), Best Concept Music Video for “Fat” (1985), and also Best Comedy Album for “Poodle Hat” (2003).

 

CREEPY
UNSOLVED MYTERIES

Most Incredible Stories! WOW!

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1. Who Put Bella in the Wych Elm?

On 18 April 1943, in Hagley Woods in Worcestershire, England, 4 youngsters who were searching for birds nests discovered a human skull inside an elm tree. They shouldn’t have been in the area – so they left the skull there. Notwithstanding, the most younger kid told his parents that him and his friends found a skul. The parents notified the police, who discovered the human skeleton, a shoe, a wedding ring, and sections of dressing, alongside a severed hand that was buried around the area.

As told by  Brian Haughton:

“The task of examining the body fell to Prof. James Webster, then head of the Home Office Forensic Science Laboratory in the West Midlands, who, just prior to World War II, had set up the West Midlands Forensic Science Laboratory at Birmingham University. After a detailed examination at the lab at Birmingham, Professor Webster ascertained that the woman was probably about 35 years old, five feet tall, with mousy brown hair and irregular teeth in the lower jaw. She had also given birth at least once. He estimated that she had been dead for at least 18 months before she was found.

In other words she had died in about October 1941. There were no marks of disease or violence on the body, but her mouth had been stuffed with taffeta. The coroner declared it murder by asphyxiation, and stated that the woman was probably murdered and then pushed into the hole while still warm, as the body would not have fitted into the hollow trunk after rigor mortis had set in.’

At that point graffiti started to show up. It began around Christmas on that year. As The “Independent” reported:

“Who put Luebella down the wych-elm?” said the first one, in nearby Old Hill. “Hagley Wood Bella”, said another, in Birmingham. Gradually, the messages – which seemed to be written by the same hand – took what was to be their settled form: “Who put Bella in the wych-elm?” they asked.

The Wolverhampton Express and Star got a letter in 1943 asserting that the lady was involved in a spy ring who has been giving out info about weapons production lines to the Germans, while a London scholastic thought the passing was because of a black magic ritual spell. A Radio 4 program in August that year recommended two conceivable possible victims: a Dutch lady who had got plastered drinking liquor and been left in the tree by her drinking mates, and a Birmingham prostitute.

In the long run, the graffiti halted. And after that, 50 years later, somebody posed the question once more. It has still not been resolved.

 

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2. D.B. Cooper

On November 24, 1971, an unidentified man wearing a white shirt, slender dark tie, dark suit, overcoat, and sunglasses and briefcase went to the air terminal in Portland. He said he was Dan Cooper and climbed aboard the  Northwest Northwest Airlines 305, a Boeing 727 flight to Seattle that had 36 travelers. As The

Watchman said in 2007:

“Once the plane was in the air, headed for Seattle, he lit a cigarette and ordered a bourbon and soda. Then he passed a note to the 23-year-old stewardess, Florence Schaffner, who at first assumed he was flirting, and didn’t bother to read it. “Miss, you’d better look at that note,” Cooper replied. “I have a bomb.” She looked the piece of paper. “I have a bomb in my briefcase,” it said. “I will use it if necessary. I want you to sit beside me.” Schaffner sat down, and Cooper opened his bag, revealing a mass of batteries and wires.

He told the plane’s pilot, through Schaffner, that he would set it off on the off chance that he wasn’t given $200,000 in cash and 4 parachutes. At the point when the plane arrived in Seattle, Cooper’s requests were met and the travelers were let off the plane. The plane, now just containing Cooper and some employees, left for Portland. Cooper gave each of the team $2,000, and afterward hopped out of the rear of the plane into a substantial rainstorm with 21 pounds of $20 bills strapped to his bofy.

The mystery man has never been seen again.

His criminal act appears to have been intricately arranged. He demanded the bills ought to haverandom, not sequential, serial numbers (the FBI quickly photographed each one so a microfilm record was created). It’s thought that he requested the 4 parachutes so the FBI would think he was going to force one of the employees to jump out with him and also that they wouldn’t give him a faulty unsafe parachute, so he wanted backup.

He additionally appeared to have extensive knowledge of flying, as he was able to recognize Tacoma from the air and indicating familiarity with the wing flap angles, refueling times, and the way that the airplane stairs could be opend up and lowered down. While the records differ, he appears to have been considerate to the plane’s staff, paying his beverages tab and asking for dinners for them when the plane was in Seattle. There are different presumptions on the probability of this man in his 40s surviving a 10,000 foot bounce into below zero temperatures while wearing a business suit; numerous people accept the idea that he didn’t even figure out how to open his parachute.

A portion of the cash was found in 1980, which for a few specialists recommended Cooper was dead at the lowest part of the Columbia River. None of alternate bills have ever been found.

There have been scores of guaranteeing leads and suspects throughout the years, however Cooper’s personality has never been affirmed. Whatever befell him, he vanished into the night.

anigif_longform-original-5866-1414132497-33. Roberto Calvi – God’s Banker

On 18 June 1982, Roberto Calvi, nick-named “God’s Banker” on account of his work with the Vatican, was discovered hanging from the platform under Blackfriars bridge in London. Calvi was an executive at Banco Ambrosiano, Italy’s second-biggest bank, which was found in 1978 to have been illicitly exporting lira. On June 5 1982, Calvi informed Pope John Paul II cautioning of a catastrophe of unimaginable proportions in which the Church will suffer the gravest damage”. Banco Ambrosiano bottomed out during that month with debts of up to $1.5 billion. The Vatican would implicitly recognize some obligation in 1984 when it consented to pay $224 million to the 120 lenders of the fizzled bank.

On June 10 Calvi fled to Venice before heading to London on a private airplane. He had been absent for 9 days when his body was found with bricks in his pockets and £10,000 of money on his body. An investigation observed that he had committed suicide, however, after 20 years, in 2002, the truth he was killed was affirmed by a private forensic team that discovered no indication or evidence injuries generally brought about to an individual’s neck by hanging.

In 1991 it was charged that Francesco “Frankie the Strangler” Di Carlo, a mafia godfather who lived in England since the late 1970s, was the executioner. He conceded being approached for the murder to hire job, yet said that when he’d been reached, Calvi was at that point dead.

The request to execute Calvi obviously originated from mafia manager Giuseppe Calò and bank lender Licio Gelli, Grand Master of the most powerful P2 masonic lodge. Calvi was a part of P2, as, by the way, was future Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi.

In 2005, The Autonomous reported:

“Two Roman investigating magistrates, Judge Maria Monteleone and Judge Luca Tescaroli, sent Mr Gelli a judicial letter informing him that he is formally under investigation on charges of ordering the murder along with four other people – Flavio Carboni, a shadowy businessman with secret service contacts, his girlfriend Manuela Kleinsing, the Cosa Nostra boss Giuseppe Calo and an entrepreneur, Ernesto Dioatallevi. The four other suspects were indicted on murder charges in April and are to stand trial in October.

The prosecution said their intention had been to prevent Calvi from using blackmail power against his political and institutional sponsors from the world of Masonry, belonging to the P2 lodge, or to the Institute for Religious Works [the Vatican Bank], with whom he had managed investments and financing with conspicuous sums of money, some of it coming from Cosa Nostra and public agencies.”

Gelli wasn’t charged with any crime in the end, however, Carboni, Kleinsing, Calo, Dioatallevi, and Calvi’s bodyguard Silvano Vittor were. All were vindicated. In 2012 Di Carlo gave a meeting to The Observer in which he said:

“I was not the one who hanged Calvi. One day I may write the full story, but the real killers will never be brought to justice because they are being protected by the Italian state, by members of the P2 masonic lodge. They have massive power. They are made up of a mixture of politicians, bank presidents, the military, top security and so on. This is a case that they continue to open and close again and again but it will never be resolved. The higher you go, the less evidence you will find.”

 

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4. Jack the Stripper

Somewhere around 1964 and 1965, an obscure serial killer stalked the boulevards of west London killing prostitutes and leaving their bodies in or close to the Thames. There were 6 affirmed victimized people, and two that were unverified on the grounds that they didn’t fit the executioner’s MO.

The main exploited person, Hannah Tailford, was discovered completely naked, floaating by a barge in the Thames in February  of 1964. Her undergarments had been stuffed in her mouth as a stifler, and some of her front teeth were lost. Several months after the fact, in April, Irene Lockwood was found close to where Tailford’s body had been found. Police quickly joined the cases. A serial killer was free to move about at will. Helene Bathelemy’s body was found in a back road close by shortly after. The body of Mary Fleming was found in July. Bits of paint had been found on the bodies of Barthelemy and Fleming. As the Murder Map website explains:

Detectives were still trying to track down motorcar spray-painting premises when Margaret McGowan, alias Frances Brown, was found dead on November 25. Her body was hidden under rubble and a dustbin lid in a Civil Defence car park in Hornton Street in Kensington.

“Frances Brown” had been in the newspapers the previous year when she gave evidence at the trial of osteopath Stephen Ward, one of the central figures in the Profumo affair. She had last been seen getting into a car – believed to be a Ford Zephyr or Zodiac.

The last victimized person, Bridget “Bridie” O’hara, was found behind a shed on the Heron Trading Estate in Acton in 1965. A security guard who worked there took his life in 1965 was intensely suspected, however, never affirmed as the executioner, in spite of being linked to the killings by the bits of paint found on three of the bodies.

The executioner was named Jack the Stripper by the news media. One book asserted that the killer was the light-heavyweight boxing champion Freddie Mills, who shot himself in the head in his auto (accepted to be suicide, however, his family thought he was killed). In 2010, local authorities announced he accepted the culprit was a man who had been indicted killing two youngsters in the 1920s.

 

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5. The Oakville Blobs

On August 7, 1994, translucent, jelly-like blobs, each one purportedly half the measure of a grain of rice, fell at a homestead in Oakville, Washington. As indicated by this report from a neighborhood paper, a preparatory examination by Washington State Department of Ecology researchers discovered they had once been alive. A clinic lab expert said they seemed to contain human white blood cells, however, this was questioned by the first set of researchers.

The paper likewise said that the manager of the ranch, Sunny Barclift, was attempting to figure out what the blobs were after his little cat kicked the bucket and a few people in his family felt queasy. They additionally reported a portion of the townsfolk thought the blobs were brought on by the US Naval force dropping live bombs into the ocean 10–20 miles off the coast: “The thought was that jellyfish remains may have been exploded into the mists where they were later scattered in precipitation.” Different speculations incorporate military biological weapons testing, leaking airplane waste, or a trick from the town’s occupants.

 

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6. The Tamám Shud Case

In December 1948 an unidentified man was discovered dead on Somerton shoreline in Adelaide, Australia. Early endeavors to find out who he was failed; there was no dental record match, and he only possessed on him basically just cigarettes and some loose change. The autopsy raised suspicions: His spleen was enlarged, his liver expanded, and there was blood in his stomach. This, alongside the way that he’d been seen drooping down on the shoreline before his passing, all pointed to the assumption that someone had poisoned him, yet no hint of toxin was found. Various false ID’s were made, however by the summer of 1949 little advancement had been made.

At that point things got truly peculiar. Here’s the means by which Smithsonian Magazine let it known:

“The police had brought in another expert, John Cleland, emeritus professor of pathology at the University of Adelaide, to re-examine the corpse and the dead man’s possessions. In April, four months after the discovery of the body, Cleland’s search produced a final piece of evidence – one that would prove to be the most baffling of all. Cleland discovered a small pocket sewn into the waistband of the dead man’s trousers. Previous examiners had missed it, and several accounts of the case have referred to it as a “secret pocket,” but it seems to have been intended to hold a fob watch. Inside, tightly rolled, was a minute scrap of paper, which, opened up, proved to contain two words, typeset in an elaborate printed script. The phrase read “Tamám Shud.”

These two words (misprinted by daily papers as “Taman Shud” at the time, and the name has stuck) are the last expressions of the Persian poetry verse known as The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam; they signify “it is completed”. It had been torn from a copy of the book that had been tossed into an auto close to the shoreline, and that book contained a telephone number fitting in with a previous nurse, alongside a cipher the police couldn’t solve.

The previous nurse told the police she’d given the book to a man named Albert Boxall: the case gave off an impression of getting it solved – straight up until the point they called at Boxall’s home and discovered him fit as a fiddle, with the book the medical caretaker had provided for him. The words “Tamám Shud” were still in it: the bit of paper didn’t originate from that book.

The case has never been explained. One inquisitive subtle element is that an alternate man passed on in Australia after the war having – it is said – conferred suicide by toxic substance. He had a duplicate of the Rubayat by his side. In 2013 60 Minutes gave information that the previous nurse (who had by one means or another figured out how to get the police to grant her wishes to hide her name) was Jessica Thomson, and that her girl accepted she may have been a Soviet spy who had a child with the man. Not long from now a previous UK criminologist said he accepted the code may have alluded – at any rate to some degree – to a British post-war aircraft.

 

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7. The Locked-Room Murder

Isidor Fink immigrated from Poland to New York City who possessed (and existed in) a laundromat on 5th Avenue. He was dreadful of thieves so kept the windows nailed closed tight and all the entryways bolted.

At 10:30 pm on March 9, 1929, his neighbor, Mrs Locklan Smith, heard shouting and the sound of a battle. A policeman arrived, yet the entryway was bolted from within and the windows nailed close. He discovered an open transom window over the front entryway and helped a kid through it.

Fink was discovered lying dead at the back of the laundromat, shot twice in the chest and shot once in the left hand. The short proximity gunfire wound on his hand affirmed he had not been shot through the transom window. It was esteemed an “insoluble mystery” by New York police official Edward P. Mulrooney.

Here are two conceivable arrangements: One, Fink was shot by a very small sized executioner who figured out how to climb into the room through the transom window. Profoundly improbable, however not inconceivable. Two, the one proposed here: that he was shot outside, stumbled inside, and bolted the entryway, making his own particular puzzle. Less improbable, yet at the same time unlikely.

 

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8. The Wydecombe Storm

This is less an unexplained puzzle but rather more one whose exact points of interest are blurred by the separation of time. We know something happened in Wydecombe, Devon, in 1638, and we know it included a storm – its simply that we don’t know precisely what. It gives the idea that lightning, in some structure, hit the town’s congregation.

In this contemporary record we become aware of:

“A most prodigious and fearefull storme of wind, lightning and thunde, mightily defacing Withcomb church in Devon, burneing and slayeing diverse men and women all this in service-time, on the Lords Day Octob 21 1638.

In an alternate record we find out about a man whose cash, in his satchel, was melted down by the lightning – but then the handbag was just harmed with small gaps, as though made by a needle.

Another account from the Victorian period portrays how “a strange darkness fell” that halted the assemblage perusing; then, after thunder, there was “terrible strange lightening”, and “a great ball of fire came in at a window” and ricocheted around the congregation, scratching “lime and sand” off the walls, slaughtering three men before detaching the chancel door.

It happens to say (brace yourself):

Robert Mead, warrener to Sir Richard Reynolds, (he probably lived at Warren House Pit, near the Dart, on Spitchwick Common), had his head cloven into three pieces, his brain thrown whole to the ground and the hair stuck to the pillar which was indented as though with cannon shot.

Obviously, the precision of these records must be called into inquiry. What truly happened at Widecombe? Was this an uncommon occurance of ball lightning, which in spite of various questionable observer sightings for a considerable length of time, was just (and still, after all that seemingly) caught on film surprisingly for the first time this year?

Obviously, there’s an additionally fun local myth that proposes it was all the work of the fiend, who came to claim the spirit of an unmoving speculator called Jan Reynolds who’d nodded off in chapel. The best bit of the story is toward the end:

The last anybody ever saw of Jan Reynolds was the point at which they passed over the field by the Birch tor mine, the Devil was holding the figure of the boy and the stallion was moving higher into the sky. As the steed climbed four of the playing cards tumbled from Jan’s pocket and floated down to earth. At the point when the cards hit the ground they left four imprints which serve as a cautioning to all potential “soul dealers” and any individual who set out to play cards in the church.

 

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9. The Dyatlov Pass Incident

On February 2, 1959, 9 skiers kicked the bucket in the northern Ural mountains. Nothing especially amazing about the way that skiers, even accomplished ones, lose their lives in such cold below zero conditions.

Until you hear further points of interest. It seemed they’d tore their tent open from within, 5 of them frozen to death close it, and most disquieting of each of, them 4(just discovered 2 months later), bore noteworthy wounds, including cracked skulls and broken ribs. One was missing her tongue and eyes. There were no outer wounds to the bodies.

The primary set of bodies were just wearing what they wore to bed while the other 4 were somewhat dressed in pieces of clothing that belonged to others. At the point when the apparel was forensically tested, large amounts of radiation were found.

A standout amongst the most famous hypotheses is that the explorers were gotten in a torrential avalanche – however a few scientists have raised questions about the probability. In spite of the fact that there are any number of others.

The St Petersburg Times reported:

Declassified files contain testimony from the leader of a group of adventurers who camped about 50 kilometers south of the skiers on the same night. He said his group saw strange orange spheres floating in the night sky in the direction of Kholat-Syakhl.

Space Aliens? Weapons testing? An oddity lightning strike? Nobody knows for sure.

Photo Credit:  Jack Noel.

Funny Short Jokes

Posted: October 23, 2014 in Humor, Jokes Text
Tags: , ,

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Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.

Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies?
A: An ambulance.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
A: Idaho… Alaska!

Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It’s sweeping the nation!

Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.

Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep.

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!

Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell

Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!

Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.

Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?
A: Froze-T

Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.

Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.

Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A: a yardvark!

Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.

Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!

Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
A: LMAYO

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
A: “With a bee bee gun.”

Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.

Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower?
A: Clean Jokes!

Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s Popcorn?”

Q: What do you call sad coffee?”
A: Despresso.

Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it!

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.

Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
A: Nobody nose.

Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!

Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them

Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles

Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Cause they arrrrr.

Q: What’s the first bet that most people make in their lives?
A: the alpha bet

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!

Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet!

Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
A: Man, that hit the “spot.”

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!

Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: What belongs to you but others use more?
A: Your name

Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!

Q: Which is the building is the largest?
A: The library because it has the most stories.

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: What bow can’t be tied?
A: A rainbow!

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring time.

Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o.

Q: What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?
A: Bubble Gum.

Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed

Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.

Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.

Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic

Q: What three candies can you find in every school?
A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.

Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch

Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it’s over your head!

Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A: USB

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a bogey in it.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?
A: He just flipped.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky.

Q: Did you ever hear about that movie constipation?
A: It never came out.

Q: What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth?
A: A Gummy Bear

Q: What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?
A: 2 Fast 2 Curious

Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser?
A: She dyed.

Q: What do you call a musician with problems?
A: a trebled man.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.

Q: What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks?
A: a Roman Catholic

Q: Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco?
A: He pulled a muscle

Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?
A: He got to the root of every case.

Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead and I’ll hang around

Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!

Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
A: The road!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
A: He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists were brainstorming!

Q: What did Delaware?
A: a New Jersey

Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!

Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A: Hi Cliff!

Q: Did you hear the one about the geologist?
A: He took his wife for granite so she left him

Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?
A: Show me the honey!

Q: What did the man say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!

Q: What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
A: Cool Music

Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!

Q: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!

Q: What do you call a window that raps?
A: 2PANEZ

Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!

Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!

Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!

Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A: To draw the curtains!

Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.

Q: What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage?
A: To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.

Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One! After that its not empty!

Q: What kind of button won’t unbutton?
A: A bellybutton!

Q: What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream?
A: Depeche a la Mode.

Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog.

Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!

Q: What do you get when you plant kisses?
A: Tu-lips (two-lips)

Q: What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney?
A: You are to little to smoke!

Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?
A: Transparents

Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine!

Q: What do you call the new girl at the bank?
A: The Nutella!

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A: Odor in the court.

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A: Dam!

Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
A: They don’t have the guts.

Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A: Nacho Cheese

Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends!

Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
A: He got stuck in Orbit.

Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.

Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.

Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A: So he could have sweet dreams.

Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic

Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella.

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: Because it held up a pair of pants!

Q: Did you hear about the calendar thief?
A: He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered

Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic

Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud

Q: Why did the balloon burst?
A: Because is saw a lolly pop

Q: Did you hear about the sick juggler?
A: They say he couldnt stop throwing up!

Q: What kind of driver never get a parking ticket?
A: A screw driver

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!

Q: Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard?
A: A barber.

Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
A: Sherbet

Q: What do you call a dentist in the army?
A: A drill sergeant

Q: Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie?
A: It’s the one rated Arrrr!

Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
A: Because the cow has the utter.

Q: What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.

Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
A: Flood lights!

Q: Did you hear about the monster with five legs?
A: His trousers fit him like a glove.

Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
A: Because they’re all in High School!

Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”!

Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
A: it wooden go!

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster you!

Q: What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day?
A: A Frisbee.

Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
A: Thunderwear

Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case they get a hole in one!

Q: What do you call a magician on a plane?
A: A flying sorcerer!

Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: He wanted to get to the bottom.

Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
A: A Mer-Maid

Q: Whens the best time to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-hurty

Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
A: I wanna get a head!

Q: Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store?
A: It was quite an oar deal.

Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A: Because he wanted to work over-time!

What would you do if I stole a kiss?
Call the Police

Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry?
A: Urgent Tina

Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon!

Q: What did the tailor think of her new job?
A: It was sew sew.

Q: How did the farmer mend his pants?
A: With cabbage patches!

Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
A: He couldn’t concentrate!

Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!

Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Because his parents were in a jam!

Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A: Patty!

Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg!

Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey!

Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He felt crummy!

Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
A: She couldn’t control her pupils!

Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.

Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A: Bare-foot.

Q: What can you serve but never eat?
A: A volleyball.

Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneakers.

Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A: So he could tie the score.

Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A: They both depend on the batter.

Q: What did the alien say to the garden?
A: Take me to your weeder.

Q: Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress?
A: They got married in the spring.

Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.

Q: How do baseball players stay cool?
A: They sit next to their fans.

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.

Q: What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator.

Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar!

Q: What exam do young witches have to pass?
A: A spell-ing test!

Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A: A cloud!

Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A: Because you dribble on the floor!

Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!

Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A: To the Baa Baa shop!

Q: What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
A: Jellyfish!

Q: What do cats eat for breakfast?
A: Mice Crispies!

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted!

Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?
A: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A: A sour puss!

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Its easier than walking!

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!

Q: Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people’s arms off?
A: It was a vicious cycle.

Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

Q: Why does a hummingbird hum?
A: It doesn’t know the words!

Q: What did one plate say to the other?
A: Dinners on me

Q: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Because they dropped out of school!

Q: What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
A: The temperature!

Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A: Neither, they both weigh a ton!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
A: She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her tongue.

Q: What has one horn and gives milk
A: A milk truck.

Q: Where do bulls get their messages?
A: On a bull-etin board.

Q: What do bulls do when they go shopping?
A: They CHARGE!

Q: What do you call a house that likes food?
A: a Condoment!

Q: What runs but can’t walk?
A: The faucet!

Q: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A: A water bed!

Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
A: Firecrackers!

Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut.

Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?
A: The dock

Q: What do you call leftover aliens?
A: Extra Terrestrials.

Q: What’s taken before you get it?
A: Your picture.

Q: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!

Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

Q: Can February March?
A: No. But April May.

Did you hear about the injured vegetable?
Some say he got beet.

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.

Q: Why did the child study in the airplane?
A: He wanted a higher education!

Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!

Q: What caused the airline to go bankrupt?
A: Runway inflation.

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
A: An abdominal snowman.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the germ?
A: Never mind. I don’t want to spread it around

Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal.
A: a cereal killer.

Q: What do you call a crushed angle?
A: a rectangle

Q: Who do fish always know how much they weigh?
A: Because they have their own scales.

Q: Why didn’t the 11 year old go to the pirate movie?
A: because it was rated arrrrr

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
A: SUPPLIES!

Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I’ll hang around!

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping?
A: He woke up.

Q: What the difference between you and a calendar?
A: a calendar has dates.

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Q: Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
A: Because he was koala-fied.

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Tentacles.

Q: What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon?
A: Bridge over troubled water.

Q: Did you hear about the ghost comedian?
A: He was booed off stage.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?
A: An offer you can’t understand.

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?
A: Nostralgia.

Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the “barking” lot!

Q: How do spiders communicate?
A: Through the World Wide Web.

Q: Why are chefs so mean?
A: They beat eggs and whip cream.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who’s whole left side was cut off?
A: He’s all right now.

Q: Did you hear about the paper boy?
A: He blew away

Q: What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer?
A: Arriba McEntire.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather?
A: An offer you can’t understand.

Q: Did you hear about the circus fire?
A: Yeah, it was in’tents’.

Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
A: Because he was a paleontologist.

Q: Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases?
A: Their making headlines…

Q. What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant?
A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.

Q: What kind of bird sticks to sweaters?
A: a Vel-Crow.

Music Teacher: What’s your favourite musicle instrument?
Fat Kid: The lunch bell

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
A: They already 8 (ate).

Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
A: She had a make-up exam!

Q: Why did the insomniac man get arrested?
A: He resisted a rest

Q: How does a suit put his child into bed?
A: He tux him in

Q: What is a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Root beer!

Q: Where does bad light go?
A: To prism!

Q: What do sea monsters eat?
A: Fish and ships

lol = Drowning Man.
*lol* = Drowning Cheerleader.

Want to hear a dirty joke?
A kid jumped into a mud puddle.
Want to hear a clean joke?
A kid jumped into the bath.

“Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.”

I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.

Today I gave my dead batteries away….Free of charge.

Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.

Being honest may not get you a lot of FRIENDS but it’ll always get you the RIGHT ONES.

I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

I’m so bright my mother calls me son.

My eyelids are so sexy, I can’t keep my eyes off them.

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

What fits your schedule better……Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?

Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver

I know some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.

I have never seen a fruit PUNCH and a cereal BOX

If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

A three legged dog walks in the bar and says – “I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw”

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

Did you hear about the farmer who fed his cows birdseed and started selling cheep milk

A butcher goes on a first date and says ‘It was nice meating you’

two lumps of vomit are flying through the air one says to the other ”you look upset” the other one says ”I know i was brought up around here.

2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents? Man that’s Ludacris

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!

Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why do you drive down a parkway but park in a driveway?

fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.

I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

Why does no one on icarly have a dad?

I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.

Why is everything delivered by a ship called cargo but if it’s delivered by a car it’s a shipment?

Man delivers load of bubblewrap. Where do you want this he asks. Just pop it in the corner was the reply.

I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.

“When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot……that way people visit more often.”

Why do they call it a hot water heater when you don’t have to heat hot water?

What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”
He said, “Call for backup.”

There are so Many Different Superstitions In Our World!
Here are 25 some AMAZING Superstitions!

Even though, within our modern civilization,
superstitions don’t have much of a spot,
at any rate not in the regular sense (think OCD),
for the vast majority of history they have an
assumed a colossal role in molding society,
culture, and ways of life.

Whether they are old wives stories, urban legends, or simply alarming stories, each culture has superstitions of some sort, however, these are the 25 most prevalent superstitions far and wide.

 

 

25. Cannibalistic gum chewing in Turkey
gum1Photo Credit: en.m.wikipedia.org
 
In a few parts of Turkey you may need to reconsider before unwrapping the chewing gum. There is a conviction that in the event that you are mulling over gum around evening time, it is really rotting, decaying human flesh.
24. Groaning cheese for a newborn
cheesePhoto Credit: commons.wikimedia.org

You’ve most likely know of cheddar, Swiss or pepper jack cheese, yet have you ever known about “Groaning Cheese”? In Medieval Times in England, eager moms made what they called a ‘Groaning Cheese’ which was a very large, substantial wheel of special cheese that developed for nine months as the unborn child developed. At the point when the ‘Groaning Time’ or moment of birth came, the entire family would rejoice by consuming this special cheese until only the external skin of the cheese was the only thing left. The infant would then be passed through the empty cheese rind on Christening day to be honored with a long and prosperous life. Pretty cheesy superstition, Ha!

23. Horseshoe Brings Good Luck
horseshoePhoto Credit: en.wikipedia.org 
 

Some individuals have faith to bring good fortunes and to keep bad dreams away, you must hang a horseshoe in the room or on an entryway handle with its finishes indicating upwards. This conviction comes from the way that a stallion shoe has seven openings, which is thought to be a lucky number, and is made of iron, so it can evidently avoid wicked spirits that may frequently haunt you in your subconscious fantasies.

22. Friday the 13th
Slide437Photo Credit: http://www.copypaste.am 
 

Friday the thirteenth has been a wellspring of superstition after the nineteenth century. Despite the fact that its source is engulfed in theories and speculations, its effect is truly obvious. Numerous individuals will deliberately abstain from doing anything critical (like business gatherings, socials, feasts, and so on) because of the conviction that the day is reviled and its a massive curse of bad luck.

21. Curse of the Opal Gem
Opal_from_Yowah_Queensland_Australia_2Photo Credit: en.wikipedia.org
 

In the event that your totally most loved stone is the Opal, you’re seriously out of luck with it, truly since this stone is said to bring bad fortunes to whoever wears it. This superstition originated from the top of the line novel ‘Anne of Geierstein’ by Sir Walter Scott in 1829 where “Lady Hermione” was erroneously blamed for being a devil as she kicks the bucket not long after a drop of heavenly water incidentally falls on her opal gems and makes the stone change color. This book had such an impact on the perception of the Opal that soon after its distribution, the Opal business smashed and Opal costs dropped by half!

20. Bells Ringing
bells roxPhoto Credit: http://www.1940chronicle.com
 

Have you ever asked why bells are constantly connected with weddings and unique events? It would appear, chimes are sounded amid unique events because of the broadly held conviction that bells cause panic on wicked spirit and frighten them away. This conviction started amid Queen Elizabeth’s rule for 2 reasons; to request prayers to God for the departed spirit soul and to rid the demonic spirits who stand at the foot of your bed.

19. Bird poop brings wealth
birdpoopPhoto Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/myfavoritepetsitter
 

Don’t stress out, you did indeed read the title correct. In Russia, there is a conviction that if a feathered creature poops on you, your auto or your property its a sign good fortune and may bring you wealth. The more fowls included, the wealthier you’ll be! So next time a flying creature craps on you, simply tally everything and enjoy your new found wealth! Ha! Good luck with that!

18. Something old, Something new, Something borrowed, Something blue
399937 thefeministbridePhoto Credit: http://www.thefeministbride.com

This prevalent wedding tradition is said to have begun amid Victorian times and includes giving the lady different endowments. One is something old and symbolizes continuity;  another is something new and speaks to trust and the future; the third is something borrowed and represents acquired happiness while the last is blue and should bring virtue, purity, adoration, and fidelity.

17. Black cats, bad luck
Slide1336Photo Credit: stuffpoint.com
 

Most individuals have heard the adage that if a black cat crosses your path it’s bad luck(in the event that you haven’t well now you have). This superstition thinks that its beginning in the middles ages because of the confounded conviction that unmarried ladies (generally elderly) who related themselves with numerous felines where really witches who could get to be felines themselves. Along these lines a black cat crossing your path could really be a witch in disguise.

16. Unlucky smoking triad
cigaretterx jpgPhoto Credit: commons.wikimedia.org
 

From the times of the Crimean War through World War I, it was viewed as bad fortunes among soldiers of war to light three cigarettes with one match. It was assumed that when the third cigarette was lit, an expert marksman would have had sufficient energy to have that soldier in his sight, prepared to make the execution. Be that as it may, some accept that the superstition may have been spread as a rumor by match manufacturer Ivar Krueger to scrounge up more business.

15. Counting crows
crowPhoto Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lipkee
 

No, I am not alluding to the 90′s band HA! It’s accepted that the number of crows at a homicide scene can anticipate your fortune as exemplified by the well known expression: “One’s bad – Two’s luck – Three’s health – Four’s wealth – Five’s sickness – Six is death.” More than six however is by all accounts up to the individual who is counting.

14. Jinxed birds

wryneck

Photo Source: commons.wikimedia.org
 

The Wryneck or Jinxtorquilla are a type of fledglings that can turn their heads at very extreme angles. A superstitious conviction among local people is that if this winged animal twists its head towards you, demise is upcoming for you on the horizon.

13. Soul capturing mirrors

soulmirror

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/purpcheese
 

Most people use mirrors many times a day which means, as indicated by this superstition, most individuals are “soulless”. There is a superstition that expresses that if you look into a mirror it will devour your spirit. This aides clarify as to why the “evil queen” utilizes a mirror to imply her mischief upon Snow White, why Narcissus was caught ensnared by his own reflection, and why evil soulless vampires have no reflection. Reconsider this before you investigate the lavatory mirror, you have been warned…

12. Cross your fingers for good luck
fingers-crossedPhoto Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/caitlinator
 

To cross one’s fingers is a hand motion normally utilized for good fortunes. Which bodes well since it was utilized amid aged Christian mistreatment by devotees to recognize different believers as an indication of peace. Today nonetheless, this has advanced to reason the telling of “white lies”  which may have its establishes in the belief that the force of the Christian cross may spare an individual from being sent to hellfire for telling an untruth.

11. Photographic soul cage
camerahttp://www.flickr.com/photos/dominiquegodbout

At the point when photography was initially created in the early nineteenth century, people everywhere throughout the world held the unwarranted conviction that taking somebody’s portrait was likened to taking his spirit. In this manner if a foe had the capacity acquire a photo of you, he held your spirit as well as held an otherworldly control over you. Thank heavens this is simply a superstition, I can just envision what number of individuals would have control over me… (IE. Facebook, etc LOL)

10. Unlucky number 13
Slide1637Photo Credit: http://www.taringa.net
 

Not to be mistaken for Friday the thirteenth (which is a superstition of the number of the day of the month) however, comparable in nature, this superstition just expresses that the number 13 is connected with bad fortunes. That is the reason numerous draftsmen cannot (some still do) to plan stairs that finished with 13 steps or structures that finished with a thirteenth floor. The alarm of the number 13 is so true to numerous individuals, that a genuine fear has been made to depict it; its called Triskaidekaphobia. (attempt to say that 13 times quick).

At the Last Supper in Christian philosophy, there were 13 supper guests, so that number is unfortunate on the grounds that Christ was betrayed. Also in Norse mythology, 12 divine gods were assembling in a corridor and the insidiousness god Loki assaulted the gathering. Loki was the thirteenth visitor, and the god Balder was slaughtered in the skirmish.

9. When you wish upon a star
www.glogster.com wish upon a starPhoto Credit: http://www.glogster.com
 

The superstition including wishing on the first star you see at night is to some degree indeterminate, however Europeans accepted that the divine beings would incidentally companion down, and when they moved the sky, a star would escape and tumble down. The Greeks additionally accepted that the stars where falling human souls, and it was fortunate to make a wish on them.

8. Opening an umbrella indoors
umbrellaPhoto Source: http://www.fotopedia.com
 

As per superstition, in the event that you open an umbrella inside you are truly requesting bad fortunes to “rain on you”. One clarification originates from the days when umbrellas were utilized as protection from the sun; opening one inside was an affront to the sun god who would then condemnation you with bad fortunes. An alternate hypothesis expresses that an umbrella protects you against the storms of life, so opening one inside your home insults the gatekeeper spirits of your home (whom likewise ensures you from the storms of life), making them abandon you unprotected.

7. New broom + new house =bad luck
broomPhoto Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/derekgavey
 

There are many superstitions associated with brooms (heck, that could be a list all in itself) but there is one very curious and particular superstition that we want to caution you on. As the lore goes, you cannot sweep dirt out of a new house (or apartment) with a new broom unless you sweep something in first. If you don’t sweep something in first, then you will be sweeping out your good luck. Do not sweep out your good luck!

6. Lucky rabbit’s foot
rabbitPhoto Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/valeriebb
 

To have this token is a not so lucky for the rabbit, however, a huge fortune for person who carries it on their person. As per superstition (which can be followed as far back as the seventh century BC) the rabbit’s supernatural fortunes could be extracted by taking the left rear foot of a rabbit that was shot (or caught) in a spooky cemetery on the night of a full moon.(I still neglect to perceive how this was so fortunate for the rabbit that its good luck would transfer over to a person??? LOL).

5. Knock on wood
woodPhoto Credit: commons.wikimedia.org
 

Knocking wood, or basically the term “knock on wood” in the wake of putting forth a confident expression, thinks that it is established in the thought that you’re courting disaster by recognizing your favorable luck. It’s accepted that the articulation originates from an old conviction that great spirits existed in trees, so by thumping on something wooden, an individual was approaching the spirits for assurance. An alternate motivation behind why we ought to all be tree-huggers.

4. Breaking a mirror
brokenmirrorPhoto Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shinealight

We’ve specified how mirrors are accepted to be soul sucking magical things (which is awful enough) however what happens when you break one of these gadgets of mishap? Why, seven years of bad fortunes obviously! A few superstitious sources express that the caught souls antagonistically impact your good fortune. What’s more here you thought you were helping them out! Nope, verify that those suckers stay inside that mirror!

3. Did you Sneeze? … God bless you!
sneezePhoto Credit: commons.wikimedia.org
 

For a lot of people; saying “God Bless You” after somebody has a sneeze is a signal of graciousness. Notwithstanding, the beginning to such custom thinks that it was  established in Pope Gregory the Great who would say it to individuals who sniffled amid the bubonic plague; and from the mistaken conviction that the spirit gets away from the body amid sneezing and the heart instantly stops for a moment. In this manner, saying “God bless you” was a method for welcoming the individual back to life.

2. Four-leaf clover
4 leaf clover kaaz.euPhoto Credit: kaaz.eu 
 

Despite the fact that the birthplace of the wishing over a 4 leaf clover is lost to artifact it has long been an image of good fortunes and good luck. It has likewise been utilized as a part of a few customs for discovering a spouse or a wife. The way this works (for you single individuals) is by first discovering a 4 leaf clover (good fortunes with that one), in the event that you happen to discover one, you should then consume it (or put it inside your shoe… yet consuming is more fun). After this, the fortunes forces will actuate and the first individual you come contact after the actuation will be your future spouse. (Caution: stay away from anybody you wouldn’t want to marry! lol)

1. Itchy palms
palm www.liveinternet.ruPhoto Credit: http://www.liveinternet.ru 
 

There is by all accounts a considerable measure of varieties on this superstition, yet the thought of having an itchy palm by and large alludes to somebody who is insatiable or has a voracious yearning for cash. Some individuals accept the belief that if the right palm is itchy, you will lose cash, while an itchy left palm implies that cash is coming your direction in the future. In the event that both palm itches, you may need to go to a specialist for that! Ha!

~AneurisM ☠

Potato found growing inside woman after being used as a contraceptive!

Potato found growing inside woman after being used as a contraceptive

Specialists treating a lady for stomach ache were stunned to discover a farfetched foundation for it – a potato inside her vagina.

The 22-year-old lady, from Colombia, was exhorted by her mother to utilize the procedure to abstain from getting to be pregnant.

Yet when specialists found the potato, it had evidently developed and become roots inside her.

The story was secured by Colombia Reports, a vast news site in the nation.

It guarantees the anonymous lady told specialists: ‘My mum let me know that in the event that I would not like to get pregnant, I ought to put a potato up there, and I trusted her.’

The revelation was made when the lady, from the focal Colombian town of Honda, went to healing facility grumbling of stomach agonies.

At the point when an attendant analyzed her, she discovered roots from the potato that had developed.

However in the wake of uprooting it, specialists affirmed there would be no enduring harm to the lady’s wellbeing.

Restorative staff at the healing facility have scrutinized the lady’s mother for the awful prophylactic guidance.

The peculiar case reveals insight into an absence of sex training, in spite of it being required in the South American nation.

Exploration directed by the Colombian Organization of Family Welfare – to attempt and decrease abnormal amounts of adolescent pregnancy – discovered a startling absence of mindfulness about contraception in youngsters.

Young ladies are frequently constrained into having hazardous sex, the battle found.

Maria Eugenia Rosselli, the Colombian Service of Instruction humanist was accounted for said the absence of ‘sex talk’ between youngsters and their guardians had made a void of data.

This, thus, had made large amounts of sexually transmitted ailments and undesirable pregnancies.

Photograph Credit: Thinkstock