Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Here’s Some Great Jokes!
Happy Holidays!!

Top 10 Funny Thanksgiving Jokes Thumb
TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #1
Just before Thanksgiving, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is weather report that you should email,tweet, or skype to your Mom.

This Thursday Turkeys will thaw in the morning then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid and if you bother the cook be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #2
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #3
Two Cannibals are having Thanksgiving Dinner…
One turns to the other and says: “You know I just can’t stand my mother-in-law.”
The other replies: “Then try the mash potatoes.”

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #4
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks!

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #5
It was just after Black Friday following Thanksgiving in a local county courthouse where a judge was questioning a stupid looking prisoner.

He asked the prisoner who was in the dock ‘What are you charged with?’
The prisoner wise cracked ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early’.
‘That’s no crime’ said the judge. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’
‘Before the shop opened’ answered the prisoner with a silly grin.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #6
You know you’re American when you line up at 3am on Black Friday so that you can save $5 at Walmart!

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #7
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #8
Why do turkeys always go “gobble gobble”?
Because they never learned good table manners

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #9
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

TOP 10 Funny Thanksgiving Joke #10
‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving But I just couldn’t sleep.
I tried counting backwards I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned — The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So I raced to the kitchen Flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes
Pickles and carrots beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round
Till all of a sudden I rose off the ground !!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky.
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

 

Source: http://jokefarm.blogspot.com

What Kind of Meds are these Doctors On??? LOL

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Source: Tickld

7 Dirty Business Puns
That Will CRACK YOU UP! 😜

1 big-dicks

2 THE DIRTY HOE

3 SofaKing1

4 PANE IN GLASS

5 CUBIC HAIR

6 Award Wieners

7 DICK LIQ

 

Source: http://www.smosh.com

These are GREAT! LOL

As Told By Simpsons, American Dad,  South Park,
SpongeBob, Futurama, Jake and More!

A few words mean precisely what they seem or sound like. (You might not have known the meaning of “oompah” the first occasion when you saw it, yet, you by one means or another knew it included a tuba.) Yet different words promptly evoke something devious or filthy or hot when you first read or hear them, for their genuine definitions to smash those definitions into a million pieces.

1. Coxsackie

10 Coxsackie simpsons-natural-born-kissersWhat It Sounds Like: The whole package down there.
What It Means: A small town in upstate New York.

2. Musky

7 Musky archer-sterling-shirtless-pearWhat It Sounds Like: Smells like sex
What It Means: Smells like the reddish-brown substance
secreted by male deer when marking their territory.

3. Succulometer

6 Succulometer roger-drag-american-dadWhat It Sounds Like: A device used to gauge one’s enjoyment or effectiveness.
What It Means: A device used to measure the moisture in processed vegetables.

4. Sexton

1 SextonWhat It Sounds Like: Unit of measurement equaling 2000 sex acts.
What It Means: Person who tends to a churchyard.

5. Humppa

5 Humppa happy-kenny-south-parkWhat It Sounds Like: The funny Italian word for “humping.”
What It Means: The serious Finnish word for a type of national dance music.

6. Penetrance

8 Penetrance spongebob-squarepants-surprisedWhat It Sounds Like: A combination of “penetrate” and “entrance.”
What It Means: The percentage of people with a particular
gene mutation who exhibit the disorder that gene creates.

7. Copula

4 Copula rick-morty-two-womenWhat It Sounds Like: How to say “copulate” when you’re too busy doing it to even finish saying it.
What It Means: A verb that connects a sentence’s subject to its complement.

8. Mastication

3 Mastication homer-simpson-droolingWhat It Sounds Like: The reason your parents are
banging on your bedroom door. Or bathroom door.
Or why they say you’re not fooling anyone under that blanket.
What It Means: To chew food.

9. Tittle

9 Tittle jake-dog-adventure-timeWhat It Sounds Like: You know exactly what it sounds like.
What It Means: The dot over an “i” or “j.”

10. Vagitus

2 Vagitus fry-futurama-confusedWhat It Sounds Like: The vajayjay, but with a
more commanding Roman Empire sound to it.
What It Means: The crying of a newborn baby.

Source: http://www.smosh.com

LOL! Seems Like It Was Intentional Ha!~

sticker-placement-straws

sticker-placement-swords

sticker-placement-velvet

sticker-placement-zombies

sticker-placement-american

sticker-placement-ass

sticker-placement-baby

sticker-placement-beef

sticker-placement-classics

sticker-placement-dogs

sticker-placement-ew

sticker-placement-hiv

sticker-placement-hung

sticker-placement-jew

sticker-placement-mandm

sticker-placement-mom

sticker-placement-mormon

sticker-placement-orphan

sticker-placement-rapists

 

 Source: Smosh

 

 

 

I’ll Bet The Judges Have Heard It All! Ha!

Shit People Say In Courtrooms PinterestSource: Everythingfunny.org

21 Creative Ways To Drive Someone Crazy…
The BEST of the BEST! LOL

ways to drive people crazy Pinterest
 
 
 
Source: http://www.pinterest.com

Most Awesome Easy To Make
Home Made
Meme Halloween Costumes
Sure To Be  A Hit!

18 ikea-monkeyPhoto Source: http://brookemstephenson.blogspot.com
17. Ikea Monkey

There’s not a day that passes by when I don’t ponder the Ikea Monkey. You only need a shearling-type coat (or a brown coat). Toss on ear muffs or make your own monkey ears out of construction paper and a headband. Haul around an Ikea pack and look completely lost.

16 ryan-gosling-wont-eat-his-cerealPhoto Credit: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.435468829895453.1073741825.120271361415203&type=3
16. Ryan Gosling Won’t Eat His Cereal

This originates from sheer genius for the yearly HallowMeme party. It’s ideal for any couple or friends. One individual takes on the appearance of Ryan Gosling (print out a mask helps) and other person wears all dark and tries to feed him some cereal.

15 shibe-dog-costumePhoto Credit: http://pikdit.com
15. Wow Doge

Could we simply take a moment to acknowledge the shocking quality of this outfit? Print out a mask sized  picture of Doge. Write different expressions on a white sheet and wrap it over yourself. Wallah! Now you are Wow Doge!

14 first-world-problemPhoto Credit: http://hallowme.me
14. First World Problems

I can not stop laughing! On the off chance that you have brown hair, you already have part of the costume! If not, simply get yourself a brown wig. Print your choice first world issue and stroll around acting exceptionally irritated.

13 nigelPhoto Credit: http://curbappealinsleepyhollow.blogspot.com
13. Smashing!

Nigel Thornberry is an incredible character to use for a Halloween costume, however you can bring about a noticeable improvement by being Nigel the Smashing meme! Dress your head up like Nigel with a red wig and mustache and dress your lower body like a Princess or whatever you think works!

12 deal-with-itPhoto Credit: http://instagram.com/
12. Deal With It

So straightforward, yet so powerful. Write “Deal With It” on a t-shirt bring sunglasses with you. Put them on and off through the day or night. And bring your best attitude!

 
11 soonPhoto Credit:  https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.435468829895453.1073741825.120271361415203&type=3
11. Soon

A creepy costume indeed, however its clever. Simply wear a shirt that says “SOON.” and gaze eerily at people.

 
10 inbread-catPhoto Credit: http://ideas.coolest-homemade-costumes.com
10. Inbred Cat In Bread

Paint yourself into a cat with cosmetics or face paint, put on some cat ears and make a giant slice of bread out of a poster board. You’re now an inbred cat!

 
9 scumbagPhoto Credit: http://imgur.com/
9. Scumbag Steve

Who said Scumbag Steve must be a man? This Halloween costume is flawlessness. You will need a brown velour hoodie, brown tank top, brown flatbill cap and a golden chain. Stroll around with a big attitude.

 
8 philosoraptorPhoto Credit: http://www.coolest-homemade-costumes.com
8. Philosoraptor

I’m fixated on this Philosoraptor outfit! You can either get a raptor mask from a costume suplier or simply print out a large Philosoraptor head and make yourself. Wear a toga and discuss philosophical stuff.

7 chemistry-catPhoto Credit: http://asd.gsfc.nasa.gov
7. Chemistry Cat

LOL! Chemistry Cat is an amusing meme and has some extraordinary pickup lines. You will require some feline ears or a cat hat like this, a red bow tie, glasses and a scientist’s jacket. Toss in a couple of plastic beakers or plastic test tubes to complete the outfit.

 
6 nyan-catPhoto Credit: http://www.costume-works.com
6. Nyan Cat

How charming is this?! This Nyan Cat costum is really kind of complicated, however you can make it simpler. Wear a pink dress with dark stockings and grey boots. Put on light black cat ears and attach a cloth or paper rainbow behind you!

 
5 grumpy-cat-costumePhoto Credit: http://www.flickr.com
5. Grumpy Cat (Tard)

Grumpy Cat is my most loved Kitty. This ensemble is super simple and super cool. You should simply put on some Grumpy Cat makeup and wear a sign that says “No.” … or one of Grumpy’s other quotes.

4. ermahgerd

Photo Source: http://alexandramal.blogspot.com
4. Ermahgerd

Ha! I adore this ensemble to such an extent. Put your hair in pig tails and carry around with you a few Goosebumps books. You can wear whatever you need, yet in the event that you have sweater vest Really tops it off!

3 mckayla-not-impressedPhoto Credit: http://theme-me.com
3. Mckayla Is Not Impressed

This thought will never get old. This costume will require a grey coat, jogging pants, flowers and an award medal. Put your hair in a slicked back pony tail and try your hardest “not impressed” face.

2 business-catPhoto Credit: http://kilobravoinspired.blogspot.com
2. Business Cat

Business Cat is super simple to do! You only need to wear a white button down shirt, tie, overcoat or vest and cat ears. Color or add some craft paper to a cardboard square that can rest behind your head. Stroll around with bug eyes and discuss business things like having to work late in light of the fact that you need to catch that red laser dot.

 
 
1 overly-attached-gfPhoto Credit: http://imgur.com
1. Overly Attached Girlfriend

Time to get dreadful! Put on your best creepy smile, a green shirt and append a cardboard background to your back. You might want to print out expressions of your fave OAG phrase to step it up a notch!

 

Jimmy and Robert Plant
loop their voices
on an iPad app
to form a 2-man
doo-wop group
singing the “Duke of Earl”

 


Source: YouTube

Mind Tricks To
Get What You Want

This is BRILLIANT!!!!


Source: http://www.YouTube.com