WOW!

Sex Toys of Terror!
These Will Give You Nightmares! LOL

1. Dr. Macaura’s Pulsocon Blood Circulator (around 1880–1920)
1 enhanced-5320-1413993540-14
Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

As per the Antique Vibrator Museum, this gadget had “a strong vibration and a sound like a ratchet.” Now that should get you “in the mood”.

2. The Detwiller Pneumatic Vibrator (1906)

2 enhanced-14796-1413996682-19

Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

This looks more like turn-of-the-century dental gear than something intended for joy.

3. The Arnold Knead Vibrator (1909)
3 enhanced-26233-1414079086-27Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved /
Via constanceanderic.com
 

As indicated by the Vintage Vibrator Museum, famous writer Mark Twain possessed an Arnold; we’re still not persuaded.

4. The Infra-Red Hotness Massager
4 enhanced-31633-1414080800-6
Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

“Scientifically designed small to reach the small crevices and contours of the face and body.” Infrared heat on your little fissure sounds like an awful thought.

5. The Polar Club Electric Vibrator (1928)
5 enhanced-29481-1413996968-5Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

It’s difficult to envision this electric vibrator being at all tranquil or tactful. How is it possible this would feel great?

6. The Rolling Pin Heat Massager (1932)
6 enhanced-16292-1413995722-7Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

A heated massage sounds great in principle, yet would you truly like to jab yourself with a hot moving rolling pin?

7. The Oster Stim-U-Lax for Barbers  (1948)
7 enhanced-3749-1414079778-1Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

This threatening strap-to-your-hand model had “forceful vibrations” and a “large, strong motor.”

8. The Stim-U-Lax Junior
8 enhanced-25165-1414081601-7Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

On the off chance that the first Stim-U-Remiss is a bit much for you, you could attempt the less intimidating model, which is… just as annoying.

9. The Vibrosage (1933)
9 enhanced-23096-1414081347-19Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

This little gentleman is somewhat lovable… until you take a gander at the spiked connection.

10. The Handy Hannah (1950)
10 enhanced-24604-1414083609-8Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © All Rights Reserved. /
Via vintagevibrators.com

Unmistakably intended to make your labia grimace.

11. The Niagra Hand Unit (1965–1976)
11 enhanced-19978-1414082471-15Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

In the event that you were not sure, the pointed end goes UP. (Isn’t that uplifting news? The Niagra had the endorsement of Good Housekeeping Magazine.)

12. The Wahl Hand-E Vibrator (1957)
12 enhanced-19776-1414080618-11Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

While the Hand-E vibrator was the precursor to some advanced vibrators, it’s still a bit terrifying.

13. The Spot Reducer (1950s)
13 enhanced-25165-1414081503-1Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

LOL! It’s R2-D2! I don’t think I want MY SPOT REDUCED! … In the same way as other early vibrators work, the Spot Reducer asserted to help the user get more fit and lose weight. It likewise offered a vibrating rubber suction cup.

14. The Hollywood Vibra-Tone (1940s)
14 enhanced-10450-1414081932-3Via antiquevibratormuseum.com

An alternate model that guaranteed weight reduction (and bad dreams).

15. The Chic Electric Vibrator (1910)
15 enhanced-28023-1414083822-1Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © All Rights Reserved. /
Via vintagevibrators.com

There’s literally nothing chic about this.

16. The Vibra-King Activator (1922)
16 enhanced-24530-1414082633-19Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

This looks… forceful.

17. The Prelude 3 (1976)
17 enhanced-12014-1414082417-17Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

We can’t get too energetic about a vibrator that has the color and general appearance of orthopedic shoes.

18. The Massage Master VII (1928)
18 enhanced-12014-1414082417-17Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

I’ll PASS…

19. The Eskimo 750 (1949)
19 enhanced-1560-1414082115-4Vintage Vibrator Museum image courtesy of Babeland, LLC. © Constance&Eric, All Rights Reserved. /
Via constanceanderic.com

Don’t you yearn to get all cozy up at home with this on a chilly winter’s eve? *SCREAMS*

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